Mickey Malta

Notes from the zone where 'normal' things don't happen very often

We’re led by idiots

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Razzie's bedtime reading book for tonight

As you may be very well aware by now, I am not a fan of Josef Ratzinger detto “Nazinger”. Neither I am fond of the institution he represents. Having said that, I respect him as a Head of State, and as a religious leader of millions of people.

I think that by now, he must have been pinching himself incessantly, and he must have been asking his closest aides to slap him hard in the face to make sure that what he witnessed so far is real. In other words, he would want to confirm that he is not dreaming.

‘m more than sure that he must be thinking to himself that he was transported to the zone where normal things don’t happen very often.

When he met PM Gonzi earlier this evening, the Head of Government cracked the silliest of jokes. He said that “he hoped that the ash cloud currently causing air traffic chaos in Europe would delay his departure tomorrow, thus giving him the time to go to Gozo.” Acording to The Times online ” The joke was made during a private meeting at the Palace in Valletta before an exchange of gifts. The Pope smiled, but did not reply” – which is a clear indication that he was not amused. Let’s face it: this is the mother of all bad taste jokes. It’s a joke that one would crack with a friend or relative, or maybe (just maybe) an acquaintance, but not a dignitary. It sounds like a typical comment a classical nerd would pass to the gorgeous chick whom he has a big crush on.

But the best is yet to come. It seems to me that the two political leaders are challenging each other for the Twat of the Day Award. Joseph and Michelle Muscat were carrying their children while they went to meet the Pope. Worse still, Maltastar‘s bid to control the damage is even more ridiculous than their boss’s antics: “Commenting on the meeting, Dr Muscat said that he really appreciated the way the Pope treated and appreciated the presence of his children.” Where in the world would you see this? Not even Gaddafi or any like-minded eccentric idiot would do such a thing? I wonder whether this was a case of Nazinger passed a snide remark about the kids in the room, and the Muscats actually thinking that he was actually complimenting them for their innovative ideas. This is the sort of incident where a polite person would say: “ah! You brought your children. That’s interesting!”

This whole debacle looks like a typical scene out of Blackadder where Joey Baldrick pulls up a stunt to outdo his archrival after coming up with “a cunning plan”  following the news that that Lorry Blackadder made an utter fool out of himself. They truly are dumb and dumber.

As Sir Alan Sugar would tell his (The Apprentice) candidates: “you’re a bloody disaster . . . . .”

Written by mickeymalta

17/04/2010 at 21:45

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The blue penis deceit

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Not approved by the Neo C posse

Fresh from The Times

Luqa ‘phallic’ monument hidden with banner

Members of the Neo Catechumenal Movement hid the infamous Luqa monument with a banner as the Pope passed through Luqa on his way to Valletta.

The large black and white banner carried the words “Cammino Neo Catecumenale” and a colour picture of the Madonna and child.

The phallic like structure in Luqa has made it to the international news in the past days after the mayor requested its removal.

Essentially, the messages that the Neo C sect is sending are:

  • the Pope will interpret the Luqa phallus as a practical joke related to his paedophile subjects’ favourite tool
  • the Pope is not old/mature enough to be exposed to sexual imagery
  • the Pope lacks any intellectual ability to appreciate modern art
  • it’s OK for all other Heads of state and common (Rocker) folk to be exposed to the blue penis, but the Pope is a cut above the rest

If Nazinger is allergic to blue penises, then he should not be allowed to watch Watchmen.

Written by mickeymalta

17/04/2010 at 17:41

God on film

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Oh God! He looks happy. Why is no one talking to him?

It seems that journalists at The Times are consistently failing to do a decent job on week-ends. They failed to follow-up on a story that could answer millions of questions to billions of people; a story that will undoubtedly bring peace and love to the whole world (or floods and pestilence – depending on the main character’s mood). And yet, they do nothing about it.

About an hour ago, The Times updated their website to keep us all informed about the Pope’s visit, and they publish a picture of . . . GOD HIMSELF! There’s no mention of an interview (planned or hastily carried out) with HIM. What is this? Are they afraid that the Pope will be pissed off because he was upstaged by his boss?

Let’s face it. Statistics show that Atheism is the third biggest religion, and God’s presence here on the Rock will definitely put an estimated 1.1 billion people out of their misery. I cannot possibly fathom how our illustrious journalists did nothing about this once-in-a-planet-lifetime event! God reveals himself to us and they ignore him because they’re too busy waiting for the Pope. There are so many questions they could have asked him. They could have also invited him to address the whole world . . . . after Ratzinger’s address, of course.  This is a great opportunity to speak to everyone journalists from all corners of the world will be following Razzie in these next few hours; or shall I say minutes?

But what’s REALLY surprising  is that for the first time in His life, God looks happy. He is ACTUALLY smiling. After decades of drowning people and handing out punishments like Kwiksave gifts, God is finally happy. And he got himself pictured in a miraculous t-shirt with the word “Paulus” written in reverse too!

Written by mickeymalta

17/04/2010 at 16:20

Christopher Hitchens brought me back to my senses

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This guy's boss once said "thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself". He took it literally, miskin. Xi tridu jaghmel?

After being shocked by the Luqa Council, I needed a quick fix. So I turned to Christopher Hitchens for a good reality check. I’m reproducing an article he published 4 hours ago in Slate.

We Can’t Let the Pope Decide Who’s a Criminal

Bringing priestly offenders and the church’s enablers to justice.

In 2002, according to devout Catholic columnist Ross Douthat, Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger spoke the following words to an audience in Spain: “I am personally convinced that the constant presence in the press of the sins of Catholic priests, especially in the United States, is a planned campaign … to discredit the church.”

On April 10, the New York Times—the apparent center of this “planned campaign”—reprinted a copy of a letter personally signed by Ratzinger in 1985. The letter urged lenience in the case of the Rev. Stephen Kiesle, who had tied up and sexually tormented two small boys on church property in California. Kiesle’s superiors had written to Ratzinger’s office in Rome, beseeching him to remove the criminal from the priesthood. The man who is now his holiness the pope was full of urgent moral advice in response. “The good of the Universal Church,” he wrote, should be uppermost in the mind. It should be understood that “particularly regarding the young age” of Father Kiesle, there might be great “detriment” caused “within the community of Christ’s faithful” if he were to be removed. The good father was then aged 38. His victims—not that their tender ages of 11 and 13 seem to have mattered—were children. In the ensuing decades, Kiesle went on to ruin the lives of several more children and was finally jailed by the secular authorities on a felony molestation charge in 2004. All this might have been avoided if he had been handed over to justice right away and if the Oakland diocese had called the police rather than written to the office in Rome where it was Ratzinger’s job to muffle and suppress such distressing questions.

Contrast this to the even more appalling case of the school for deaf children in Wisconsin where the Rev. Lawrence Murphy was allowed unhindered access to more than 200 unusually defenseless victims. Again the same pattern: repeated petitions from the local diocese to have the criminal “unfrocked” (an odd term when you think about it) met with stony indifference from Ratzinger’s tightly run bureaucracy. Finally a begging letter to Ratzinger from the filthy Father Murphy himself, complaining of the frailty of his health and begging to be buried with full priestly honors, in his frock. Which he was. At last, a human plea not falling on deaf ears! (You should pardon the expression.)

So in one case a child rapist escaped judgment and became an enabled reoffender because he was too young. In the next, a child rapist was sheltered after a career of sex torture of disabled children because he was too old! Such compassion.

It must be noted, also, that all the letters from diocese to Ratzinger and from Ratzinger to diocese were concerned only with one question: Can this hurt Holy Mother Church? It was as if the children were irrelevant or inconvenient (as with the case of the raped boys in Ireland forced to sign confidentiality agreements by the man who is still the country’s cardinal). Note, next, that there was a written, enforced, and consistent policy of avoiding contact with the law. And note, finally, that there was a preconceived Ratzinger propaganda program of blaming the press if any of the criminal conduct or obstruction of justice ever became known.

The obscene culmination of this occurred on Good Friday, when the pope sat through a sermon delivered by an underling in which the exposure of his church’s crimes was likened to persecution and even—this was a gorgeous detail—to the pogroms against the Jews. I have never before been accused of taking part in a pogrom or lynching, let alone joining a mob that is led by raped deaf children, but I’m proud to take part in this one.

The keyword is Law. Ever since the church gave refuge to Cardinal Bernard Law of Boston to spare him the inconvenience of answering questions under oath, it has invited the metastasis of this horror. And now the tumor has turned up just where you might have expected—moving from the bosom to the very head of the church. And by what power or right is the fugitive cardinal shielded? Only by the original agreement between Benito Mussolini and the papacy that created the pseudo-state of Vatican City in the Lateran Pact of 1929, Europe’s last remaining monument to the triumph of Fascism. This would be bad enough, except that Ratzinger himself is now exposed as being personally as well as institutionally responsible for obstructing justice and protecting and enabling pederasts.

One should not blame only the church here. Where was American law enforcement during the decades when children were prey? Where was international law while the Vatican became a place of asylum and a source of protection for those who licensed or carried out the predation? Page through any of the reports of child-rape and torture from Ireland, Australia, the United States, Germany—and be aware that there is much worse to come. Where is it written that the Roman Catholic Church is the judge in its own case? Above or beyond the law? Able to use private courts? Allowed to use funds donated by the faithful to pay hush money to the victims or their families?

There are two choices. We can swallow the shame, roll up the First Amendment, and just admit that certain heinous crimes against innocent citizens are private business or are not crimes if they are committed by priests and excused by popes. Or perhaps we can shake off the awful complicity that reports this ongoing crime as a “problem” for the church and not as an outrage to the victims and to the judicial system. Isn’t there one district attorney or state attorney general in America who can decide to represent the children? Nobody in Eric Holder’s vaunted department of no-immunity justice? If not, then other citizens will have to approach the bench. In London, as already reported by the Sunday Times and the Press Association, some experienced human-rights lawyers will be challenging Ratzinger’s right to land in Britain with immunity in September. If he gets away with it, then he gets away with it, and the faithful can be proud of their supreme leader. But this we can promise, now that his own signature has been found on Father Kiesle’s permission to rape: There will be only one subject of conversation until Ratzinger calls off his visit, and only one subject if he decides to try to go through with it. In either event, he will be remembered for only one thing long after he is dead.

Written by mickeymalta

12/04/2010 at 23:30

A rare event indeed

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Ratzinger: the male Bobbit

After they finish reading this, my friends and family will slap themselves to see if they’re dreaming. They will check if they’re still under the effect of a funny cocktail made of magic mushrooms, weed, and Absynth. This is a rare event indeed. I just read this report on The Times Online. I’m gobsmacked. I’m flabbergasted. I’M SPEECHLESS!

Luqa local council has demanded the removal of the ‘monument of shame’ opposite the Lidl supermarket, before the Pope’s visit.

In a statement issued today, Mayor John Schembri said that the council welcomed the fact that Pope Benedict would be going to Luqa.

However, he added, “in the opinion of the council, the Pope’s first visit among us risks being a source of embarrassment to the people of Luqa and the Maltese in general, due to the obscene ‘monument’ which is still dominating the ‘LIDL’ roundabout on one’s entry into the village.”

Mr Schembri said that ever since this parody of artistic expression was erected, the council had never ceased to draw the attention of the central government to the fact that this monument, if indeed it deserved the name, constituted a vulgar insult as well as an arrogant imposition on the people of Luqa.

“On this issue, the Council has already consulted and has the total backing of the ecclesiastical authorities of the village, who have in fact already written to complain about the absurd welcome immediately awaiting the Pope’s arrival at Luqa and have asked for a quick redress of the situation. There can be no doubt that, among the people of Luqa, there is a widespread cross-party consensus that the object placed at the entrance of Luqa is not the most fitting way in which to greet the Pope, especially by what is considered to be the most Catholic country in the world.

“Consequently, the Luqa Local Council is once again launching a firm and heartfelt appeal to Government, and particularly the Parliamentary Secretary in charge of Local Councils, to make a timely and mature intervention ordering the removal of this so-called work of art which has been lumped upon the village of Luqa.

“If not out of respect for the residents of Luqa, this intervention is being requested at least as a sign of respect for His Holiness the Pope. This would, in the Council’s opinion, be a fitting conclusion to the current praiseworthy embellishment exercise being carried out in the Pope’s honour across the Maltese Islands.”

Colonna Mediterranea, as the monument is actually called, is the work of Paul Vella Critien and was installed in January 2006. The monumental sculpture was said to be an abstract based on fantasy and the beauty of the Mediterranean colours.

Written by mickeymalta

12/04/2010 at 20:18

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An excellent review of the (upcoming) Papal visit

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Ratzinger after Mona's Pasta Cooking Class

So our favourite restaurant critic decided to make mince meat out of the current farce we’re experiencing and wrote her own incisive review of Ratzinger’s visit.

Enjoy it . . .

Written by mickeymalta

12/04/2010 at 16:51

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Idiots turn ordinary people into stars

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An ordinary person who achieved a cult status thanks to an idiot

Does the name Muntadar al-Zaidi ring a bell to you? Probably not. However, I’m sure that you are well aware of his stunt. He’s the guy who threw his shoes at George W Bush in Iraq.

Now we have our local version of al-Zaidi. The only problem is that he or she is anonymous. Someone created a Facebook fan page called The guy that spray painted Pedobear onto the Pope billboards, and as I write, this person has already garnered 559 fans.

This person is our own Muntadar al-Zaidi. It’s a pity that s/he did not sign his graffiti like Banksy does. He or she used the Banksy’s stencil technique, but should have been more proud of one’s work by signing it.

Written by mickeymalta

11/04/2010 at 21:27